Why?

Self portrait

Sometimes I wonder why Rick and I are doing this. Of course I can only know that for myself; Rick would have his own answers. So for myself, I wonder what is my purpose now? Yes, I have this opportunity for adventure, to explore new possibilities, to create my life everyday, but what is the greater meaning of it all? How do these experiences feed my soul, renew my spirit, support my relationship to God, or help me find my way to heaven?

My answer comes in part by paying attention to what parts of my life give me feelings of wholeness, of joy, of love.  Without getting too personal about this, let me just say that living in a 400 square foot box with another person 24/7 is a labor of love. Everyday is another opportunity to learn how to love better.

As an individual though, there are two circumstances when I feel like I am growing into my understanding of spirit and a meaningful life. The first is when I encounter difference, which happens a lot when traveling in this country of ours. (It happens in our own RV!).  I used to feel so strongly about some things: my values, my ideals, my beliefs, my work, and I hung out mostly with those people whose values, beliefs and life styles were like mine. Now, in these encounters with people who do not seem to be like me in the ways I am familiar with, I find myself holding my values and beliefs more and more lightly, and simply listening to those of others without a strong response.  I just am not that important.

The times I feel most connected to my spiritual sense are when I am in the natural world, paying attention, listening, watching, becoming invisible. This moving around and witnessing others both human and nonhuman has reinforced my growing sense of invisibility. It's kind of hard to explain, but I found this song by Walt Wilkins that helps me say it and helps me understand the meaning of being invisible. (The italics are mine)


Up and On My Way
by Walt Wilkins

I am sky.
I am stone.
I am dreams
and I am bone.
I am never alone,
and I'm up and on my way.

I am sand,
the whole shore.
I'm the shining sea
and what's more,
I'm every wave that's come before
and I'm up and on my way.

     Tonight gives way
     to another brand new day.
     Come what may,
     I'm up and on my way.

I am green.
I am blue.
I've been broken
and patched up too.
And it might take an ocean of blue,
and I'm up and on my way.

I'm as tall as a tree,
but there's something going on here
bigger than me.
Something I can't wait to see,
so I'm up and on my way.

I'm a child
full grown.
I'm always half way home
so I'd better be moving on.
I'm up and on my way.

     Tonight gives way
     to another brand new day.
     Come what may,
     I'm up and on my way.